i am not an American but i watched the U.S. Presidential debates.  it’s my business (aside from a personal interest in U.S. politics) because the U. S. economy is in “recession’ and we live in a globalized world.

i liked McCain when he was a “maverick” senator not a presidential candidate.  i feel he has sacrificed so much to be in this position.  i don’t think he should be a U.S. president but it’s for the American public to decide.

on giving up

October 9, 2008

In short, i haven’t.   Well, not really.   i can’t afford to.   Even if the doctors still don’t know what’s wrong.   Even if i’ve been this way since the end of March.

Nietzsche once wrote that if it does not kill you it makes you stronger.  They say that the lowest ebb of the wave is the turn of the tide.   My mum says i should be strong but it is my wife and son that makes me persist.

i received a call from a friend  last night.  They care (you know who you are).  Thank you to everyone.  My entry was not meant to guilt anyone.  Or spring them into action.   Or to worry anyone.   But thank you anyway for encouraging me.

killing me softly

October 5, 2008

Not to be overly dramatic but i am a shadow of what i was once. i used to have two jobs – now i don’t work anymore. i can no longer help around the house and i am  not allowed to drive – instead i must be driven. i can no longer take the bus and must take a cab.  In a word, i am useless.

No matter how hard i try or what i do, i am still the same. i  have thought of taking my own life (actually i have entertained the thought more than once) but i am more useful alive than dead ( i.e my incapacity pension helps with the home loan) but i have to learn to be strong.  For my wife as she has sacrificed so much.  For my son as i need to watch him grow up.   Besides, i want to be there for my younger brother’s wedding and my in-laws golden anniversary.

Some people say that if i get better i will do this or that.   Doing good is predictaed on them getting better.  i must do something. Bless my Mum and wife for praying that i get better but i’ve got to slowly accept my fate.