waiting to exhale

January 5, 2017

Saw Birdman a few nights ago on free-to-air tv and it made me think.  Is this blog a feeble attempt at relevance?  I don’t really use FB (because like internet browsing it can lead you down a time-consuming rabbit hole) or tweet (because I have verbal diarrheoa).  Although it’s very hard for me to type, writing does help with my sanity.

I am used to working two jobs (usually one full-time and another as a casual) and now I have none.  Many say I’m “Iucky” because I can’t help around the house anymore and have a valid “excuse”, am I really that “fortunate” to lose my balance and co-ordination? Do they even stop to think maybe I don’t want to be on the lounge and watch all day.  Forget walking, what I would have given for my speech to be left intelligible (now it’s only my wife that mostly understands me) so I could have tried to hang on to my last job for longer.

I wouldn’t mind wearing glasses but instead I need a handheld magnifier to read “small” fonts because I’m legally blind (although I can still see).  It’s getting around with a walker that most concerns me about losing my eyesight.  I wish I could adjust the size and contrast of subtitles to suit my preferences.

There’s still a lot I want to see but most sites are pretty much inaccessible.  That’s perhaps why my interest in food is more pronounced.  I can’t even drink a hot beverage on my own (and I really love coffee).    Sure, I no longer cook nor bake (I was rather fond and quite “good” at both) but I can still enjoy eating – although I now refrain from bones and soup (as they are “tricky” for me).  I’ve given up alcohol since I use a straw to drink (since I don’t want to be easily intoxicated with all the air I ingest and drinking wine is just stupid).  Although, I suspect, I would’ve been naturally weaned off the stuff as my wife’s allergic and I’ve got a son who’s still too young to drink. Moreover, I’m not really a fan of waiting for my food to cool down; or expecting for a straw or a bowl (because I need them to feed myself independently) to come as those around me begin eating.

It’s the ordinary things I find troublesome like stairs, buttons, inclines and writing implements.  It takes me longer to dress, brush my teeth manually (automated brushes often have small bristle “footprints” and I can’t floss), cut my finger nails (I can no longer groom my own toe nails) and use an electric shaver. The only reason I can go to the toilet and bathe myself is because of the equipment (a raiser and a shower chair & bars respectively).  Aside from not being comfortable, I find the concept of adult diapers disgusting.  Also, I’ve got to pee more often as I can no longer hold my bladder.  Don’t get me started on how toilet doors open and the cramped spaces – poor design often results from a lack of empathy or thought.

I know it shouldn’t bother me but I used to be a “fast” walker for my height. Now because I walk very slowly and carefully, I lag very much behind my family.  Maybe it’s a thing I got so used to. I can no longer play basketball which was my main form of recreation and exercise (and stress relief).

I hate it when I’m told to think of others who struggle more than me.  It makes me even “sadder” for them and not grateful that my condition could be worse (and don’t feel “better” at all).

I don’t usually whinge but I’ve been told in order to truly move on I need to vent on occasion – so pardon the collection of complaints, I’ll try to avoid such posts.

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open arms

January 27, 2014

we went to this year’s Australian Open for my son’s birthday – unfortunately it was the week of the heat wave. All in all we enjoyed despite the heat and my son not getting an autograph from Nadal.

Aside from seeing a boat-load of player practice sessions,   we were able to see the second round match between Nadal and Kokanakis at the Rod Laver Arena with the roof closed. Thanis and Nick Kyrgios bode well for the future of Australian tennis.

I am not one to be fanatical but I admire Sam Stosur’s stroke – not since the backhand of Jusine Henin-Hardin have I viewed such beauty.  Some people even positioned themselves at 1 pm in the sweltering sun just to get a glimpse of Federer who was scheduled to practice at 5 that afternoon.  It was also nice seeing Rafter play doubles after 9 years – even if they lost during the initial match.  Nonetheless, it was amusing to see and hear the Fanatics barrack for each of the Aussies for their various matches.

While there, I was able to catch-up with an “old” and dear high school friend and her family – unfortunately, we were not able to meet-up again due to scheduling conflicts.  If we had known there was a kid’s day the day before, we would have booked a flight sooner.

Wawrinka had a good run towards the men’s final – strangely enough, he’s now ranked as Switzerland’s top player and at the same time is a close friend of Roger. He has a “killer” serve and backhand.  The “Stanimal” won his 1st championship in 4 sets.  Unfortunately, Rafa was plagued with back problems – so we’ll never really know.  He fought hard to get back his number 1 world ranking last year despite injuring his knee.  After missing 7 months and last year’s open, is it any wonder he showed such emotion for what seemed to me the first time in his storied career.  It’s a testament to him that he finished the match when the commentators thought he would surely retire.

Maybe my interest in the sport was rekindled because my son plays the sport, we were at the Open, my view is the racket is part of the player and just not equipment,it is as much mental as it is physical, or a combination of factors.

we are the champions

February 8, 2012

the Giants won Superbowl 46 over the Patriots. maybe i was rooting for New York because they were underdogs to New England; or maybe i wanted Eli out of his brother’s shadow or maybe i thought the reporter trapped him a little with that quarterback comparison question.  regardless, it was the most exciting game of finals football i’ve witnessed.

don’t stop the party

February 7, 2012

last Saturday my son had an indoor soccer party with his friends at Magill. i wasn’t able to attend because i wasn’t feeling well – anyway, my son seemed to enjoy it.

working class man

January 30, 2012

Djokovic beat Nadal in 5 sets last night.  at almost 6 hours, it was the longest men’s single final in history.  he deserved it after beating Murray in the semis and struggling with allergies.  i’m not a fan of Novak but after Rafa won the 4th set and his excellent physical conditioning, you have to respect his efforts to hold on and win the match – i guess heart and determination sometimes trumps everything else.