killing me softly
October 5, 2008
Not to be overly dramatic but i am a shadow of what i was once. i used to have two jobs – now i don’t work anymore. i can no longer help around the house and i am not allowed to drive – instead i must be driven. i can no longer take the bus and must take a cab. In a word, i am useless.
No matter how hard i try or what i do, i am still the same. i have thought of taking my own life (actually i have entertained the thought more than once) but i am more useful alive than dead ( i.e my incapacity pension helps with the home loan) but i have to learn to be strong. For my wife as she has sacrificed so much. For my son as i need to watch him grow up. Besides, i want to be there for my younger brother’s wedding and my in-laws golden anniversary.
Some people say that if i get better i will do this or that. Doing good is predictaed on them getting better. i must do something. Bless my Mum and wife for praying that i get better but i’ve got to slowly accept my fate.