great expectations (2)

May 16, 2017

i’m currently reading the book: Love that Boy by Ron Fournier.  I originally bought it because of my son and it’s supposed to be how fathers exert pressures on boys.  My wife has also read it and I realised it’s food for thought for all parents raising a child regardless of their gender.  While I agree with what’s mostly written, I’m a little bit conflicted having taught before:  children often meet the high expectations imposed by their teachers.  Like everything in life, I guess it’s a balancing act.

power up

April 19, 2017

had a recurring “nightmare” last night about people seeking any shelter they could find.  What’s weird is that I have a different dream each time I get up from bed but for some reason it just continued where it left off.  I thought I was not really bothered by the threat of nuclear winter but it looks like subconsciously I am.   This just illustrates how, often, control is not in one’s own hands.  Like my mum used to say:  you’re ok but other people might be “crazy”.

strange bedfellows

March 20, 2017

they recently showed the Theory of Everything on free-to-air tv.  While Stephen Hawking is an inspirational figure, he’s not necessarily aspirational for me.  I’m nowhere near as smart.  We need people we can relate to.  I accomplish things because I’m not dumb and work really hard.

I know Dr. Stephen Strange is fictional but I could weirdly relate more to the film Doctor Strange.  I’m not a surgeon but I guess it had to do with embracing the unexplainable despite bring logical.

Strangely enough in the movie Logan, I could relate to both Professor X and Wolverine –   this was the first time I saw myself in two characters.  Maybe it was their “fall from grace” so atypical of a superhero flick or maybe it’s because I’m such a comic book nerd.

Regardless, we’re all different, relate to certain things, and process things at our own pace.  Despite people’s insistence, a single, magic, silver bullet  “solution” doesn’t always exist.  Some issues are divergent or require multiple things acting in harmony.  Narrowing it to one thing would be great but that isn’t always possible.

relativity

January 11, 2017

everyone is entitled to whinge about their problems (or physically express them) but you have to know your audience.  Forgive my callousness but originally hailing from the Philippines where 90% of the population live below the poverty line (despite the majority working extremely hard to improve their lot), having a wife who required a kidney transplant after falling pregnant with our son (she was previously on haemodialysis six days a week and was hospitalised several times and had to be brought in to Emergency via ambulance) and living with an Acquired Brain Injury (ABI that’s unnamed and resulting in compromised in balance and co-ordination) for nearly a decade some issues seem like “high-class” problems to me.  It’s not that they shouldn’t complain but choose carefully the person(s) to share it with.

I know I should be more empathetic but it frustrates me when people feel entitled – ever seen the film, Blue Jasmine.  It’s just people should learn to adjust and adapt to their circumstances – all of us have our own crosses to bear but, with me, for the most part they’re barking up the wrong tree.

an unexpected journey

December 29, 2016

been under the weather lately and it’s caused me to reflect.  Haven’t done my daily exercises now for three days as I’ve been feeling really bad (it helps keep my body weight at a level I can physically manage and releases my endorphins to help me cope).  Living with an unnamed neurological condition for nearly nine years (with relatively stable symptoms) and my recent health issues has reinforced that control is an illusion and that I better make hay while I still can (not to be overly dramatic but more realistic).  Admittedly, it’s hard for me as it’s not my personality and I was brought up to place other’s needs before mine (so much so that I don’t REALLY know what I want).  It’s not easy but I should endevour to put my and my family’s enjoyment first (even if it runs contrary to the delayed gratification I was earnestly taught).  Everything considered, I will continue to set aside funds like I  previously learned to manage money.  Enjoyment shouldn’t be an excuse to shirk responsibility.

we recently came back from an interstate trip.   we watched a concert, ate somewhere I wanted to go and caught up with good friends while we were there.  I don’t say it enough but I had a wonderful time with my family. I reflected on what I have (hopefully I’ll be more conscious of the things I need to be grateful for).

In some ways it’a blessing that my condition is unknown – that way I don’t have a set expiry date and are encouraged to make the most of each day.  I don’t know when “my last good day is” so I should try to make the most while I still am able to.

It’s true what they say:  something just clicks.  It’s not about when other people prescribe  you should be “ready” but when you realise it for yourself (for some it’s about “hitting rock bottom”).  It’s about others facilitating but not dictating.

I’ve made a deliberate choice to try to make hay of the resources given to me while I still can (but still remaining pragmatic – I’ve a son and wife after all).

not so very good bad day

December 14, 2016

yesterday, everything that could go wrong did.  There are just days like that – it didn’t help that I couldn’t exercise the day before (it seems that’s how I deal with stress).  I’m not a big fan of disability being used as inspiration porn – it’s merely a snapshot and we experience bad days too.  Some times are like insurance write-offs – we should be allowed to feel grumpy occasionally (although knowing my personality, I’m surprised this doesn’t occur more often).   We’ve just learnt to deal with the situation and put one foot in front of the other.

Some people use reality tv (and disability) to feel better about their own lives.  Other people’s plight should be a source of empathy or compassion and don’t exist for others’ motivation (if it “inspires” you to be a better person than well and good but if it only stops you from whinging because you feel lucky or blessed then deeper reflection is needed).

Everyone likes to watch fails (myself included) – experiencing Schadenfreude is natural for humans.  My own experiences leads me to believe that externalities as a source of joy can’t compensate for the “emptiness”(they can only make life more “bearable”).