sunny side of the street

July 24, 2013

this does not come naturally for me and this is reinforced by force of habit. I am told to look at things instead of negatively as I am prone to do so – that’s my default setting. I plan for the worst and often make contingencies.  I should alternatively focus on ability than disability.

I’m often told to think about others who are worse off than me – well-intentioned as it is I’ve got several problems with this.  It makes me even sadder: I’ve never taken pleasure in the misery of others – cause that what effectively it is.  And although I can empathise, you can’t just lump all people with impairments together, we all have different stories – this is made even more difficult since they’re not sure what I have.  What one can still do should instead be emphasised – admittedly this is hard for me going from two jobs to none.  I try to use my “new found” time to better myself and become  more functional.  People say I’ve got an excuse from getting out of the housework – that’s little consolation for me since I’m used to doing those things.

As expected, I went through some of the stages of grief.  I’m sort of better now but I still grapple with my situation. It’s not about bravery nor courage as others understandably assume, but rather about acceptance and learning how to do things again (sometimes differently).

I’m encouraged to be thankful and to write down at least three things I’m grateful for everyday – although I can’t always jot them down, thinking about things that way does help me.  Being more optimistic does help but the 2nd law of thermodynamics can at times complicate things.

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