death and distance

April 14, 2007

My wife’s nana passed away recently and it reminded me that my lola hasn’t been with us for over a year now. I regret that neither of us had the opportunity to see them off and probably grieve accordingly. It really didn’t make much sense and the timing and logistics in both cases were difficult at best. Not that either would stick around anyway – for surely they are in a much better place. I like to think that at least both of them got to see my son even if if he was still relatively young.

Somehow you would think you might have missed them more (or perhaps felt worse or even sadder). My own excuse is that as part of coping with repatriation one tends to build a layer of insulation. Not to be cold or turn your back on your history but simply as a practical measure to be able to manage on a day-to-day basis and not miss home so terribly much (with the exception of the rare and fleeting indulgence of nostalgia). We are , after all, too busy with the pressing matters that comprise our activity-filled here and now.

All our families are already looking forward to our homecoming this Christmas. Short of counting the days, we are utterly convinced we will get get there come hell, high water and exorbitant airfares (even in spite of the precariousness of making bookings and securing travel arrangements this soon). I wonder though if were in for a mixed-mood-ed return – and it will only hit us then when we return and that we will only just then realise what we have really lost.

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