equipoise

October 29, 2006

Have slowly begun feeling a bit “overwhelmed” lately. Usual manifestations – resurgence of my lifelong bout with insomnia, an increased appetite for epicurean indulgences, and decreased productivity. Making a bit of time for “co-occupational” activities this week: a workshop and a colloquium. An apt theme emerged – one of balance.

Most of my recent career has been set in fundamentally toxic environments; my work life in Australia has been a nice change of pace (this is due to a pervasive emphasis and belief in the importance of quality of life here). Unfortunately, this has caused me to lower my guard and severely underestimate how small pressures can slowly snowball into manifest stress. Given previous tolerances, i have foolishly not done very much to consciously manage this reality. Not unless you count a “commitment” to a weekly pick-up game of b-ball.

Stopping to think about it – this pervading sentiment is probably attributable to a confluence of factors – mostly work related but including contributors such as having a new house built. So i kind of know what’s wrong and to some degree the possible actions to take. Things such as these are quite painstakingly obvious but the real rub is getting from the” inertial” comfort of knowing the answer to getting off my ar*e and doing something meaningful about it.

For now, i am deliberately trying to be conscious of my actions and thoughts. Whether this is a sufficient start is debatable (and i would argue variable from person to person) does not concern me as much as if this can be effective and ultimately sustainable. Clearly theres is a need to take matters in hand. Worst case, i will just have to resort to thinking happy thoughts – something i’ve never been quite accustomed to: only 14 more months until a proper holiday!

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