i guess i have to learn to swallow my pride.  i probably don’t have enough of  the first two.

i recently had the experience of being in a wheelchair outside of a hospital – it was a different feeling.  i recently got back my South Australian driving license.  Thankfully the only casualty was a tire.

Better me than my son.  My wife.  My siblings.  My parents.  My wife’s family.  My friends.

i recently watched the presidential inaguration  and re-watched Return of the King. Athough i am not a fan of former president Bush and has been said time and again, it is hard in politics to claim what did not happen on his watch.  President Obama is a vital symbol – he is one man, still he is a man. The fiscal crisis is perhaps the challenge that this generation of Americans need to overcome.  Change is important esspecially when it is espoused by leaders but the people need to embody this.  After all, the reliance on one man to change the entire system is foolhardy at best – the behavior of the entire nation must change for any lasting differences.    It is unfair to rely on one man for true change to occur.

We watched the third installment on the first screening day.    My son was a bit excited as we watched 1 & 2 a number of times – he’s 4 btw and loves music. As others have pointed out, it’s a bit like Grease without the sex. As Monique Coleman (i.e. Taylor) says, it’s not like that – where Grease was about conforming, HSM was about being true to yourself – what high school aught to be but is not.   As my wife points out, 3 is a bit musical and i think that’s where the comparisons lie.  i was bored but i am not the key demographic – tweens are.

As you may have already heard, the Americans voted Barack Obama as their next president.   This is not only important because the change is badly needed.  But as a symbol it is important.  As my physio says, this is a “poison” chalice of sorts – with the economic crisis and 2 wars.  The world is watching.

i wasn’t born with talent. Instead, i have always tried to get what i have – not neccessarily what i deserve.  That’s what i’ve done my whole life  Who knew everything was in preparation for this?  i guess i just need to try harder.

i am not an American but i watched the U.S. Presidential debates.  it’s my business (aside from a personal interest in U.S. politics) because the U. S. economy is in “recession’ and we live in a globalized world.

i liked McCain when he was a “maverick” senator not a presidential candidate.  i feel he has sacrificed so much to be in this position.  i don’t think he should be a U.S. president but it’s for the American public to decide.

In short, i haven’t.   Well, not really.   i can’t afford to.   Even if the doctors still don’t know what’s wrong.   Even if i’ve been this way since the end of March.

Nietzsche once wrote that if it does not kill you it makes you stronger.  They say that the lowest ebb of the wave is the turn of the tide.   My mum says i should be strong but it is my wife and son that makes me persist.

i received a call from a friend  last night.  They care (you know who you are).  Thank you to everyone.  My entry was not meant to guilt anyone.  Or spring them into action.   Or to worry anyone.   But thank you anyway for encouraging me.

Not to be overly dramatic but i am a shadow of what i was once. i used to have two jobs – now i don’t work anymore. i can no longer help around the house and i am  not allowed to drive – instead i must be driven. i can no longer take the bus and must take a cab.  In a word, i am useless.

No matter how hard i try or what i do, i am still the same. i  have thought of taking my own life (actually i have entertained the thought more than once) but i am more useful alive than dead ( i.e my incapacity pension helps with the home loan) but i have to learn to be strong.  For my wife as she has sacrificed so much.  For my son as i need to watch him grow up.   Besides, i want to be there for my younger brother’s wedding and my in-laws golden anniversary.

Some people say that if i get better i will do this or that.   Doing good is predictaed on them getting better.  i must do something. Bless my Mum and wife for praying that i get better but i’ve got to slowly accept my fate.